better late than never

Better late than never!

By David Verveer

Confidential, for you and your attendants only

Good days arrived; finally our representative in the Israeli Government, Minister Rafi Eitan, the heroic ex-super spy and Eichmann kidnapper has finally awakened. Our super-star has suggested that he and his team will kidnap this time the President of Iran, Mr. Ahmedinayad, in order to bring him in shackles to face the Israeli high court for high crimes against humanity and Gillette, the razor-blade factory for not shaving.
You must admit, it was high-time for the veteran party to take initiative in World Politics; they are not Yes-men and can not be bought with money by Gaidamac.

I have volunteered as member of the expedition and even discussed it already with my doctor, who agreed that exercise will do me well, provide I take my medicines on time. I ordered a new set of false teeth, and a blond hair-piece, and contact lenses, and a nice mini hearing aid, which is nearly invisible. I will be ready, in all weather conditions. I even started to brush-up my Farsi (many years ago, in the time of the good Shah, I spend 5 years in Iran, and was capable to shop in Farsi).

Our team will exist out of 4 volunteers, including Rafi Eitan himself, all extremely fit and well seasoned veterans, most of us capable of walking uninterrupted (even though assisted by a female attendant) for more than a half hour, in the blazing sun.

According to the plan (not yet published officially) we will fly to Georgia, where we will be trained in fighting tanks, there we will receive new identities and papers. It might be possible that a short Russian correspondence course (the Putin Institute for propaganda) will instruct us how to shoot tigress and or elephants (to be found in the Iranian desert), if the environmentalists won't disturb us.

From Georgia we will be taken by horse and cart, through Turkey to the Iranian border, which we will infiltrate in the middle of the night, posing as Islamic refugees fleeing the Communists and Jews. After our arrest by the Iranian secret police, we will be taken to see the President of the Republic.

We have prepared a present for the Iranian leader, an authentic Strudel, which we will offer to Ahmedinayad. The Strudel (prepared by our Mossad Laboratories) contains a drug that will put the person in a passive mood. After the drug will have drugged the President, we take him to the Presidential garden, where a small helicopter will be waiting for us, to take him back to Israel.

If we, by any chance, will be caught by the Persians, we will deny everything, and claim that we were programmed by the GGB. Rafi, our leader has already spoken with: one moment, my wife calls me, I will be back in a moment, yes Pupi, I have taken my pills, and will go for a nap, immediately after I finish this article. I hate it when they disturb me when I am working; it is difficult to remember precisely where I left of, oh yes I remember, " I was talking to my friend, the other day, in the park, he asked me if I remember, that we both competed for the friendship of Amelia, and indeed I do remember distinctly, but can not remember, why?