the presents dilemma

The presents dilemma

By David Verveer

It all begins when one receives an invitation which goes something like this: You are invited to the …… of our …….. The reception will take place on the ……. At the …………., we hope to see you than,

XYZ, and family.

In early days, such invitation cam by mail or phone, today the internet added some colorful backgrounds, seeing the celebrities at the French Riviera, sitting in the sunshine or their baby pictures. Now start the big dilemma, what type, what size and form our present should be. Arguments that a meal at the reception costs at least 80$ per person, and the present can not be less than that, does not hold much water, as for us 80$ is a huge amount of money, while the happy celebrities shower daily with champagne instead of water. But can we give less, what will they say, those misers come to eat at our costs and are not prepared to spend any money.

There is another question, in what form should we bring the present, to buy (like in the old days, on our wedding we received 5 Moreno glass vases), which might not be liked by the receiver, even though, one adds the shop bill, so they can change it if they don’t like it (generally they don’t), but than we have a new problem, the present cost only 75$, 5 & short, what to do, to add a book, or flowers, I don’t think they will have any time to read, in the next few months of their new life. But bring money that is the optimum of cold heartiness, to bring a check for 85$ (to show we are large and can afford it). But than the wife says, you remember when our daughter had a ……., they gave 250$, we should at least give the same amount. Of course, irrelevant that our feasting relation is rich like Rothschild, and shame on us, we have to turn every penny. We have to take into consideration that they will think that we are not suitable to be their relations, if we can not double their contribution, several years back.

But what should we wear, dressed up (in this weather?), or with jeans, casually, uncomfortable shoes or sport shoes, a white shirt or simply a tea shirt, all questions which should be discussed weeks before we go to the, for somebody, happy occasion. It is funny to see that the richer section in our relations dress always very casually, while the poorer ones dress up, why is that?

Then is the question, what time to arrive, precisely on the time mentioned in the invitation, or at least a half hour later. We are very punctual and if one writes 8.00 o’clock, we generally are there on time, which turns out sometimes very funny, when we had to welcome the guests at a wedding of the daughter of our friends, as they had some problems while bringing the grandfather, and came a hour late.

The reception ritual is also something to take into account, it starts with an outdoor gathering, with people circulation and talking small talk, some waiters (funny enough, with one hand on their back, bring you warm tidbits, Japanese specialties, smoked salmon, etc. And of course an open Bar. Then after having stuffed too much tasty fillers, they invite you to the ritual (wedding, circumcision, divorce, bar mitzvah, receiving a doctorate, etc.). Then the great moment comes, you are invited to the tables, and of course everybody wobbles to the table, where they serve you the meal (that one we discussed before that cost 80$ per plate), but we are already stuffed full by the foreplay, and drinks, can not eat another bite. It is incomprehensible how some people can eat so much and not burst, but again that is their problem. One should realize that during this meal, the music is very loud, which makes any conversation impossible, and as we are not eating and can’t talk, the only thing we do is gaze at the funny way people dress for such occasion, which sometimes looks like the dressing of a Christmas tree, but of course, I am no expert on haute culture.

Finally, cakes and coffee are served, hordes of people start jumping about (dancing of some sort), and we, older people ask each other, if we can go now, which includes thanking the celebrities and their family for the good time, explaining that we have to go, because our baby-sitter, or some lame other excuse. We drive back home, carefully, because, despite not eating much, we have problem in fitting between the steering wheel and the sit. The celebration ends officially, when we phone a few days later, telling how fantastic everything was organized, (did you see Fania, what happened to her, see looks like an old women, but Haimke looked fine, he seems to enjoy himself after Hulda died).

They will thank you for the present, telling us that it was not necessary to have spent so much, they would have received us also without any present, and that they tell us now!