The necktie, an unnecessary relic from the past

The necktie, an unnecessary relic of the past

By David Verveer

Can anybody explain me why people put on a necktie, what is the purpose of this peculiar part of the dress code? It doesn't have any purpose, and so far I could look it up, it never had a task, like a hat, or trousers, a shirt or jacket, or socks and shoes for that matter. What I noticed when I started to look it up are the negative arguments against the necktie, without anybody promoting it, besides the manufacturers and fashion people.

According the articles I read, the necktie originated from the 18th century, blood soaked ties worn by the Croatian soldiers returning from the war in service of the French king (Louis 14th), and was then adopted by him as a status symbol, the "cravat".

Others opinioned that the necktie is a male phallic symbol, in my mind, a bid far fetched, but if you think about it, it must have had somehow a function, even if it served only as male indicator.

But do you realize the dangers of the necktie, starting with causing problems with your eyesight, if the tie is worn too tight, to an epidemic bacterial spreader, from getting dirty in the soup bowl to getting caught in the door or by moving equipment parts.

Here in Israel ties are worn by elder people, orthodox Jews or at Weddings and official ceremonies, most young people refrain from putting on a tie, logically because our warm climate. In the time of the pioneers (thirtieth, forties and fifties) wearing a tie was thought freaky, even though bank employees were required to were ties. In 1958, in my kibbutz, my friends borrowed ties I had brought with me from Europe, and after I made their knots (they had no notion how to do it) we went dressed up with ties to our Purim celebration (our kind of carnival). It was a great hilarious success, with my friends trying to be gallant with the girls, as they had seen in the movies, by helping them to sit down near the table, opening the door for them, and so on, and actions uncommon by Sabres (Israeli born).

However, still, anchormen on the Israeli Television are forced to wear ties and wear a jackets when on screen, a requirement which is silly and does not make any sense, but several times, I saw that they wore it with jeans, as the camera films only their upper part of the body.

I noted that in the tropical and subtropical countries the dress code requires a neck tie, while cooler Western Europe, the tie is getting less popular, which does not make sense, but wearing a tie has nothing to do with sense and logic.

The Dutch / German prince Claus, the late husband of Queen Beatrix, at an official ceremony, removed his necktie and placed it very demonstrative in front of his wife, the queen. His action caused the establishment of a movement called the Anti Necktie organization, which never managed to influence the official dressing, code, especially not in snobbish restaurants were only tie wearers are allowed to dine, I wouldn't go there, even if they paid me.

I think we have to ask All Gore to join the Anti Necktie movement, as people wearing ties produce more Carbon dioxide, (bullshit) and cause an increase in Global warming.

commemorating what?

Commemorating what?

By David Verveer

With screeching brakes (I don't know if this is the right spelling for a loud squeaking sound of the tires on the asphalt), I managed stopping my car on the high-way, after hearing the non expected sirens, indicating that we (patriotic citizens) memorize the fallen victims of one of our numerous wars. Generally, I am well prepared for those sirens, and stand in full attention near my car, minimum 5 minutes in advance, as I don't want to look not patriotic.

However, this time, not only, they did not warn us in advance, I even did not know (and still don't know) what was the occasion, did we commemorate the Holocaust victims, fallen soldiers, soldiers who died and their burial grounds are unknown or the last (2^nd) Lebanon war. But I was not alone in the confusion, a file of cars behind me, also stopped their cars, but unlike me, they did not leave their cars, for them it was sufficient to utter a short prayer from the open window, which sounded to me like "yossy and matty mania", but I really don't know, as I don't know Aramaic, and those prayers are generally in the local language of that time, just like the yishkadal" prayer.

I however noticed that this prayer is shouted, and an angry face expression is required, I will have to ask my grandson, how one performs this custom.

Funny, some of the motorists were even less prepared than me, as they bumped on each other, which is stupid and shows that they did not pay attention to the road, I was taught to count 21, 22, 23, distance from the car before, and if that car suddenly stops, I will have sufficient time to stop. But I am really a good driver, never drives faster than 43 km an hour, and people always blow their horns in appreciation when they pass me on the way. Funny expression, "blow their horn", of course they don't blow anything, only push the button, but you understand what I meant.

I stood in attention until the sirens stopped, but even without moving my head, I noticed that especially the very religious and pious Jews continued their drive, ignoring the call for showing their respect for the sacrifice made also for them, but that does not amaze me, as I have seen videos, were those rabbis refused to sing our national anthem. I personally would have saluted, but last time I saluted my grandson told me that only people in uniform salute.

When the sirens stopped, I got back in my car and continued my journey, but many other motorists stayed behind, and I expect they discussed their deep emotions, of the happenings of which they were so suddenly reminded by the sirens. I always enjoy the intense nationalism and patriotic feelings of our citizens, in the last 60 years we really became a united nation.

When I came home and told my wife what has happened on the highway, she looked at me in a real funny way, and only said "tumtam" (stupid), meaning that I get emotional about those little things, but you must admit, getting emotional about the behavior of your fellow citizens, is a positive reaction.

p.s. sirens were heard all over Israel, during a national civil defense execise.

gourmet dinner with psoriasis

Gourmet dinner with Psoriasis

By David Verveer

In our circle of friends, with whom we meet on regular base, on Friday night, we have a regular ritual which starts out with a gourmet meal (all take turns in cooking and showing off), and after that we start telling the latest about our children and grand kids. The discussion slowly but surely turns to actualities and politics, (which is more or less a repetition, as everybody's political views are known, but it is healthy to clean your frustration with the situation and try to convince our political opponents for believing the utter stupidity of their beliefs).

When we get really exited, we suddenly reach our favorite subject, which is connected to health and mortality, years ago we discussed the problems of childcare, and / or our problems dealing with our parents, but now, with all participants passed the age of 55, most nearing 70, childcare and worry about parents lost its popularity in contest with symptoms of diseases, medicines and treatment.

Diets and vitamins are discussed, together with health cures, but generally we refrain to discuss chronic illnesses suffered by some of the participants as not to embarrass them. Most of us are hypochondriacs, looking for new dangers which could terminate our existence on this earth, generally followed with a visit to our health clinic or doctor, in order to make sure we have not caught it yet.

And indeed, not all health problems can be discussed, for example I suffer from a skin disease called psoriasis, which appears with all weather change. It is irritant, itchy and not pleasant to see, especially when it appears on open skin visible for everyone. Logically, people are frightened to come in contact with somebody who has a skin disease, frightening that it is contagious (it is not), and as child, I preferred bandages than showing my skin to others. Funny enough, 3 to 5 percent of humanity suffers from psoriasis (there are numerous kinds and levels), and apparently there are no cures known. There are of course many treatments, most of them effective only for one or two seasons, after which they turn to be harmful for the patient, but which makes the skin doctor such a wonderful job, most of the patients don't die from the disease instead of that, they die with the disease.

Having psoriasis is unpleasant, not only because the discomfort caused by the itching, and open wounds (which attracts flies), the loss of self-esteem, embarrassed by the pitiful stares at the effected areas, stupid questions and advise to try this or that medicine, because the uncle of the postman's sister, who had the same problem, used it and was cured in one hour (or actually 63 minutes). By the way, did you try to put yogurt on it, no I did not and hate this kind of discussions.

I always felt rather sorry for myself, but now that I know that Stalin suffered of the same, I understand that I was tested as God's Guinea pig, to try it out before he punished that bastard. I am actually lucky that I got it and I am living in this enlightened era as in the middle ages, they considered it a contagious disease and isolated them with the leprosy in concentration camps. Even though, the cause of the disease is unknown, (and because that, there is no cure available), it doesn't seem to be heritable.

After having discussed the above, it became clear to me, why we never have discussed it during our gourmet dinners, as it surely does not promote the apatite.

signage

Signage

By David Verveer

Signage means by definition, symbols or words whose function it is to provide directions, identification, information, orientation, warnings, regulations, or restrictions. Any development project, irrelevant to its size requires signage, which advises the people inside and outside the project, the direction to go, how to behave during emergencies such as fire, explosions, etc. in short, what in the past was a logical development, today is considered a science, as size, color, form and picture, clear enough to give the reader an instant message how to behave, might very well save his and other lives. And like many other subjects, it is taught at universities, and obligatory readings for engineers and architects. But when I learned engineering, signage did not yet receive the attention it really deserves, and when I was asked to manage the signage installation at a huge high tech factory, I really did not know what I am getting into.

Signage, like any other engineering, is based on logic rules and comprehension how one should behave during emergencies, and if one includes also some basic understanding of the process and possible mishaps using this type of raw materials, one really realizes that signage is a serious subject, worthwhile doing it correctly.

The Americans and Europeans developed a safety code, in which the signage plays an important role, we Israelis, who are used to improvise think we don't need strict rules and codes, we will manage ("everything will be all right, we will manage") is our favorite expression.

The Israeli behavior is of course not acceptable to the owners of the project (Americans), and even less so to the project managers, a European firm. The "lack a daisy attitude" of the Israeli worries them terribly and caused them to insist on a much stricter management than really is required for. I have full understanding for their attitude, but even though, their excessive pressure of execution by the word, of foreign signage for local population causes frictions and stupid mistakes, which might lead to catastrophic results, precisely those they intended to prevent, on the first hand.

One of the major mistakes is those caused by absolute ignorance of the Hebrew language by most of the Owners and Project Managers, and their ruling that English is the only acceptable language for the correspondence. Let us assume that about 20% of the Owners and Project Managers are English spoken as mother tongue, the remainder learned some basic English, but insufficient to write or comprehend it. I can tell you numerous jokes and mistakes in instruction sentences I received from the project managers, from using a English Hebrew dictionary phonetically, to choosing expressions which somehow, after research, have by accident, in a special combination, the same meaning as the word intended by the writer. The letters seem to be translated by a bad computer translation program.

The problem is that besides the hilarious letters, we (the contractors) receive, the contents are non-comprehensible, and don't provide the results required by the writer, but of course most of the contractors never studied Shakespeare, and the daily meetings are more or less, like the tower of Babylon.

The project managers (especially in the lower ranks) are Israelis, some but not too many, are professionals who due to the high salaries paid by foreign firms, were willing to take on a project for a limited period of time, and are likely to be fired from one day to the other, based on a computerized management program which ignores the leadership of humans. The remainder is a bunch of misfits, who were able to get their jobs due to absolute lack of knowledge of the Israeli by the management team, composing their work team.

Those Israelis (the latter described bunch) are the contractors greatest problem, because the don't understand the reason for any command, but need to oblige their masters, in order to be kept on for some more days, as the project is nearing its end, and the factory already started trials in production, etc.

They use any legal and illegal excuse in putting the blame of failure on somebody else, specially the contractors, who are continuously threatened with stoppage of payment for their performed and contracted functions, installations and activities.

In signage this is mostly evident in signage which has been forgotten for some reason by the management, and suddenly has to be installed next day. The system of daily published SPR's, (list of complains) by the project manager, in which the contractor is accused of failures (divided in critical and non critical observations by the inspection teams), as far as signage, those observers failed to read or comprehend the designs, nor do they have a notion, who, why and which contractor has to install the missing signage, which resulted in my case last week, by being publicly humiliated, without allowing me to respond and to explain what, and what not was executed by us, and why the list included parts which are outside our package, but that is the way when the expression;" the client is always right", rules the waves.

Based on common sense, the signage application should be the absolute last contractor activity in the execution of the project, in order to minimize the damage and theft of the signs, however, in our case, this logical approach does not apply to the project management wisdom resulting, besides the damage done by the contractors, a mixture of sectors which could not yet receive signage, as they were not ready, not yet installed or where the signage would obstruct the projects at hand. Of course, in this case, we automatically get spots which are not completed, and somehow forgotten between the thousands of signs applied. Outside signposts were erected one day and next day flattened by the trucks and heavy equipment working in the area, which means, we have to remove the installed asphalt or paving, dig up the foundations, reinstalling the entire signpost, and all this has to be finished inside the tight time schedule dictated by the manager / owner. Look at the money, the sweat and input wasted on serious mismanagement, of which we warned the project management in the beginning of the project.

If I would have been ten years younger, I would have resigned from the job, a long time ago, but I don't like to end my career with a failure, thus I keep on until the bitter end. On my answer to the above mentioned SPR's, I failed to erase the Cc's (all other contractors) one of the large contractors wrote to me the following, I quote:

"Good for you, I enjoyed reading your reply to what is a very frustrating team of managers, this is the worst run project I have ever been involved with. Good luck."

As you noticed, I did not mention the name of the project, nor the project managers, as I don't want to get anybody in trouble, as truth is not something allowed in our modern business world, and the only reason I wrote this was to relief me of cropped up anger and frustration, and my gratitude that most projects I have been involved with were more satisfactory. I don't think I will add this project to my résumé, as I am most certainly not proud on what I managed to accomplish.

my uncle sam and aunt frieda

My uncle Sam and my Aunty Frieda

By David Verveer

My Uncle Sam was the oldest brother of my mother, born in 1895, in The Hague Holland. When he was 18, my Grandmother died from cancer, and my Grandfather was forced to take a housekeeper, to take care of the younger children (my mother at the time was 7 years old). The first housekeeper was a girl from Germany, from the northern harbor town Lubeck. We are talking about the years after the First World War, which was lost by the Germans (Holland remained neutral. Great poverty caused the young people to look for jobs outside Germany, and this is the reason that Frieda Hill arrived and started working for the Jewish family Alter.

My Uncle Sam was not very intelligent, rather a likable simpleton, and soon love developed between Sam and Frieda, and even though the Jewish community did not approve of mixed couples, they married and in actual fact he was excommunicated from his Shul (synagogue), a fact he took extremely hard.

Aunty Frieda was a very short woman, very fat and of course, even though no Einstein, kilometers more intelligent than my uncle. My uncle worked for a packaging factory owned by Jews, and worked there until his retirement 1955.

During the Second World War, after the German Arm attacked and occupied Holland, and Jews were taken to the camps, my uncle was taken to a concentration camp, were he remained until the end of the war. He returned home in 1945, a broken man with a heart complaint, which would kill him a few years after retirement.

He never understood what was going on, simply lived his life from day to day. The new inventions such as an electric shaver nearly killed him as he put it before shaving in the water. His only pride was his polished shoes, and his only complaint to us was the terrible state of our shoes. He seldom left the house, nor did he read papers, but I don't think he was ever bored, as boredom requires a certain amount of intelligence.

Writing about him, is very difficult, as he never conveyed any emotions or interest in us or anybody else.

On one of his birthdays, my mother brought him pictures of the Portuguese synagogue in The Hague, where my grandfather served as caretaker (after he lost all his money and his business, in sorrow because the early demise of my grandmother), and where my uncle would pray, before the war, as he was unwelcome in the Ashkenazi synagogue, due to him marrying a non Jewish wife. He was very emotional over the gift (the first time and last time that I saw him happy and exited).

My aunty was absolute the opposite, she was inquisitive, talked non stop (she did not have a German accent, and nobody in the neighborhood knew that she was German.

After the war, my mother remained alone (my father was executed by the Germans), with 4 small children, and my aunt was our only family in the town. I had another surviving aunt, but she lived in another town with her two daughters, and 3 cousins on my father's side, who also lived outside our town.

She would come over (by tramway, a trip of over one hour) to help my mother with the laundry, mending of clothes, sometime cooking and babysit, in short, she was a blessing.

She loved us very much, but had terrible ways in showing us her love, she would kiss us, embrace us and shout (she never talked quietly), and if we had the luck (let us say misfortune) to meet her in the street, she would embarrass us terribly, but you could not complain, she loved us and would do everything for us. Her squeezes (knijpjes) were famous, enough to try to avoid her, but we were everything for her, and her devotion to us and our mother was without limit.

In 1955 our family fell apart, my oldest brother had already immigrated to Israel, my second brother went with the army to Suriname South America (at that time, a Dutch colony), I went to study in England, and my mother remained home with only my sister. The relationship between my mother and my aunt became relatively strained, as my mother did not have the patience for the lamentations of the aging women, who complained about the bad people, the neighbors, the postman, the shop owner, etc.

She loved buying hats (especially green ones), and later on changing furniture (a thing unheard of during my uncles lifetime).

In 1958 I also immigrated to Israel, and in the following years both my sister and mother came also to Israel, and my aunt remained absolutely alone in The Hague.

I feel still somehow guilty about her, but her contact with us was through long letters with my mother and birthday cards on birthdays, .and my second brother followed us to Israel several years later.

When I returned to Holland, for studies 7 years later, we my wife and I would visit her, bur as we lived far away and did not have a car yet, this would be with intervals of at least six months. Tante Frieda would not talk about her German past, her family, possible brothers and sisters, the only thing she told us that she did not want to visit there, and that she hated Germans and people speaking German to her.

After I finished my study, we moved to Brussels (for my stage) and bought a car. Occasional we would take a trip to visit her, which made her very happy. I remember, once we visited her, and when we left, she asked to accompany us to the car, where she shouted, "this in my nephew with his wife, they came from Belgium to visit me, with their own car".

After I finished my stage and we returned to Israel, (with my daughter 4 months old) she would write to my mother that she was extremely lonely. To solve it, she took in students (who studied at the postal school, near by). She got rather attached to these boys, and would mother them, and smother them with love. She died 86 years old, depraved from the family she loved so much.

Now, 30 years since she passed away, I still feel somehow guilty of leaving her alone, I don't know if there was another way, but I have the feeling we never tried to repay her for her devotion to us.

the presents dilemma

The presents dilemma

By David Verveer

It all begins when one receives an invitation which goes something like this: You are invited to the …… of our …….. The reception will take place on the ……. At the …………., we hope to see you than,

XYZ, and family.

In early days, such invitation cam by mail or phone, today the internet added some colorful backgrounds, seeing the celebrities at the French Riviera, sitting in the sunshine or their baby pictures. Now start the big dilemma, what type, what size and form our present should be. Arguments that a meal at the reception costs at least 80$ per person, and the present can not be less than that, does not hold much water, as for us 80$ is a huge amount of money, while the happy celebrities shower daily with champagne instead of water. But can we give less, what will they say, those misers come to eat at our costs and are not prepared to spend any money.

There is another question, in what form should we bring the present, to buy (like in the old days, on our wedding we received 5 Moreno glass vases), which might not be liked by the receiver, even though, one adds the shop bill, so they can change it if they don’t like it (generally they don’t), but than we have a new problem, the present cost only 75$, 5 & short, what to do, to add a book, or flowers, I don’t think they will have any time to read, in the next few months of their new life. But bring money that is the optimum of cold heartiness, to bring a check for 85$ (to show we are large and can afford it). But than the wife says, you remember when our daughter had a ……., they gave 250$, we should at least give the same amount. Of course, irrelevant that our feasting relation is rich like Rothschild, and shame on us, we have to turn every penny. We have to take into consideration that they will think that we are not suitable to be their relations, if we can not double their contribution, several years back.

But what should we wear, dressed up (in this weather?), or with jeans, casually, uncomfortable shoes or sport shoes, a white shirt or simply a tea shirt, all questions which should be discussed weeks before we go to the, for somebody, happy occasion. It is funny to see that the richer section in our relations dress always very casually, while the poorer ones dress up, why is that?

Then is the question, what time to arrive, precisely on the time mentioned in the invitation, or at least a half hour later. We are very punctual and if one writes 8.00 o’clock, we generally are there on time, which turns out sometimes very funny, when we had to welcome the guests at a wedding of the daughter of our friends, as they had some problems while bringing the grandfather, and came a hour late.

The reception ritual is also something to take into account, it starts with an outdoor gathering, with people circulation and talking small talk, some waiters (funny enough, with one hand on their back, bring you warm tidbits, Japanese specialties, smoked salmon, etc. And of course an open Bar. Then after having stuffed too much tasty fillers, they invite you to the ritual (wedding, circumcision, divorce, bar mitzvah, receiving a doctorate, etc.). Then the great moment comes, you are invited to the tables, and of course everybody wobbles to the table, where they serve you the meal (that one we discussed before that cost 80$ per plate), but we are already stuffed full by the foreplay, and drinks, can not eat another bite. It is incomprehensible how some people can eat so much and not burst, but again that is their problem. One should realize that during this meal, the music is very loud, which makes any conversation impossible, and as we are not eating and can’t talk, the only thing we do is gaze at the funny way people dress for such occasion, which sometimes looks like the dressing of a Christmas tree, but of course, I am no expert on haute culture.

Finally, cakes and coffee are served, hordes of people start jumping about (dancing of some sort), and we, older people ask each other, if we can go now, which includes thanking the celebrities and their family for the good time, explaining that we have to go, because our baby-sitter, or some lame other excuse. We drive back home, carefully, because, despite not eating much, we have problem in fitting between the steering wheel and the sit. The celebration ends officially, when we phone a few days later, telling how fantastic everything was organized, (did you see Fania, what happened to her, see looks like an old women, but Haimke looked fine, he seems to enjoy himself after Hulda died).

They will thank you for the present, telling us that it was not necessary to have spent so much, they would have received us also without any present, and that they tell us now!